Guess this modern day Cinderella: A “commoner” (with a wicked stepmother, no less) swept up in royal romance and turned into a princess overnight—only to discover that “happily ever after” had gone out of style and, what’s more, that a crown could never complete her.
Give up? It’s Sarah, Duchess of York, or—as you may have heard her called—“Fergie.”
If you haven’t already seen it, Sarah has a new show on the Oprah network: “Finding Sarah” and it strips Sarah down to what the tabloids didn’t tell you. (“Fergie” was famous for her alleged infidelities and struggles with weight and, thus, ridiculed for “blowing it” with her Prince Charming.) But O digs deeper, showing us that there is a human being, not a fairy tale princess, behind the glossy magazine scandal. In fact, I think Sarah has just as much in common with single girls in NYC as Cinderella.
Sarah didn’t always have it easy. (She’s a commoner, remember?) Abandoned by her mother at the age of 12, her father—a Major in the British Army—encouraged Sarah to bury her pain and move on. So, she did, at the expense of her knowledge of herself and ability to express and understand emotions. Sounds like just the kind of girl who might be prone to hum, “Someday my Prince will come.”
Well, he did. Sarah married Queen Elizabeth’s second son, Prince Andrew, in 1986 and became the Duchess of York. But, as many NYC singles turned “soulmates” learn the hard way, finding your Prince doesn’t guarantee much, especially not that hazy “ever after” that the Brothers Grimm talked so much about. In other words, the One is just that—a single part of your life, not everything, and he can’t rescue you from yourself. Just look at Sarah.
On her show, Sarah talks frankly about “having it all” and, then, losing everything because she couldn’t find herself. Turns out, not Prince Charming nor his pretty white horse can give you self-esteem. And if you don’t have that, a crown on your head won’t do much either. As I watch her life unfold for the cameras, I find myself with a heart full of compassion for Sarah. It’s tough to work on such grueling, intimate stuff in front of the whole world. But, in addition to compassion, I’m also full of gratitude to Sarah for being brave enough to share about what so many women suffer in silence.
Forget her stint with Weight Watchers, Sarah should be the poster girl for limiting beliefs. Conditioned at a young age to measure herself according to her family’s expectations, when Sarah “grew up” she brought an ego full of negativity and self-sabotage with her. On an early episode of “Finding Sarah,” Martha Beck challenged Sarah to make her way through a maze—blindfolded. Afterwards, Sarah wanted to know, “Did I do it right?” Not surprisingly, Sarah looked to someone else to validate her, unfamiliar with what it felt like to trust her gut. Like so many of us, Sarah waited for others to give her answers, instead of finding them within herself.
So, what is she doing about it? “Finding Sarah” is like a self-love boot camp and Sarah is re-conditioning her relationship with herself while detoxifying all those ego-based limiting beliefs. (Here’s where Sarah’s royalty puts a wedge between her and most of the single girls I know—they aren’t backed by Oprah.) But the cool thing is that Sarah’s therapist found a way to turn her need for outside validation into a powerful tool for self-love—by asking Sarah to see herself through her daughters’ eyes. If Sarah could treat herself as her daughters treated her, with unconditional love, she would be able to replace each limiting belief with positive affirmation and begin building a foundation of self-love.
Now, you may not be backed by Oprah, but if you’re single (or married!) and still waiting for your happy ending, could it be that you’re actually a princess already who is on her way to lose her crown? Could you use your own self-love boot camp? Here’s an Oprah-backed trick you can try at home: put yourself in the shoes of someone who loves you dearly, whether it be a family member, a friend, or even a pet! When someone truly loves you, they aren’t constantly judging or distrusting you. Open your heart to yourself as you would your most trusted confidante—get to know yourself. (I bet there are secrets you haven’t told yourself yet.)
Self-love begins by knowing who you are. Think of it as falling in love with yourself through little dates and special moments that you create with and for you and you only. Be your own Princess Charming! Maybe you can even curl up with yourself on the couch and enjoy a quiet night in with an episode or two of “Finding Sarah,” just to see how the royals do it.
