Maybe it’s because, when it comes to movies, I’m of the international/art film variety, but I was never too keen on the 90s hit Jerry Maguire, especially after I realized how unhealthy the message is that it sends to women about true love. Remember the infamous line? “You complete me.” Yuck.
To be perfectly honest, I didn’t always feel this way about sappy lines like that. Much like the single women who sighed when Tom Cruise sputtered those words at Renée, I was looking for a partner to “complete me” and it drove my dating life…into the ground. Time after time, I found myself powerfully attracted to men who offered me something I thought was missing, who filled a void I felt within myself, who made me feel “complete.” My particular Kryptonite was men with talent. If a guy had a spectacular skill, I was all over him. It took me 15 years of failed relationships to realize that my quest for completion was leading me in the opposite direction of my heart’s true match.
That’s because, deep down, I struggled to find my own talents—I was sure I had none. So I wasn’t actually attracted to my boyfriends’ talents; I was hooked on the subconscious sense that I had somehow stumbled upon that which I lacked. Turns out, I was taking a shortcut to self-love, using relationships to avoid addressing my insecurities. When I realized this, I stopped looking for talent in my partners and started seeking it within myself. Can you guess what happened? Yup. My creativity began to flow and I discovered that my talents had been hidden inside me all along. Suddenly, I didn’t need a record producer or a bestselling author on my arm, which is how I opened my heart to my husband and discovered the best, most fulfilling relationship of my life.
When I became a life coach, I vowed to debunk the Jerry Maguire myth that true love is about finding someone who “completes” you. Unless, of course, you’re talking about self-love. In that case, you’d be right to say “you complete me” to your beloved—because your beloved is you.
If you’re exhausted by searching—unsuccessfully–for your soulmate, you may want to ask yourself what is drawing you to the men you’re dating. Is it possible that you’re attracted to something in them that you wish you yourself possessed? Are you hopelessly hooked on the notion that you can live vicariously through what your perfect partner has—and you don’t?
Let me give you a little tip. Throw away your copy of Jerry Maguire. True love won’t complete you. You can do that yourself.
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well annie you’re a real cutie,
I kinda liked Mcguire and even that line at that point in the movie. I don’t necessarily think that one cannot be “completed” by a compatible life partner — after all a fully functioning soul is always much more with a such a “completer”. Years ago some guy wrote a great book on relationships — which stated that the greater the immediate attraction the more one was using their new found love to complete! various dysfunctional or personality deficiencies.
I never used the line, or as a matter of fact any, as I didn’t ever use “being in love means you don’t have to apologize” or what ever it was.
Jerry
I admit, Maguire is funny! (Cuba Gooding Jr. is absolutely hilarious.) But I think I was speaking to the idea that many people have that they are somehow missing something until they find someone–and it drives them to choose people who give them that missing piece, which can be a dangerous way to date. When I met my husband, our relationship certainly healed me and fulfilled me in ways I never thought possible. But I think that’s a different type of completion–our relationship brought me to a whole new level of fulfillment but I would never have been ready for it had I not already been a “complete” package on my own–happy and thriving and loving each and every inch of myself.
“Love means never having to say you’re sorry” is the line I think you’re referring to–I definitely DON’T agree with that! Haha…what a silly idea!
Thanks for your comment–great to see you here
Hi coach,
What an interesting article!
I’ve been searching for some answers in terms of my own relationship type, needy, and this seems to be just one of the answers I needed.
Interestingly, it applies to either male or female, I think.
What a revelation this is. I really don’t need to completed by anyone else but I need to complete myself.
Back to the drawing board.
Thanks for the comments, I’m enjoying the information you so freely and generously provide. Thank you.
joe
I’m glad this resonated with you, Joe. You’re right–it’s definitely not geared towards either sex. Once you feel complete and fulfilled in who you are–you are GOING to attract and being attracted to the right fit for you, whether it be today or in the long run
Hope to stay connected! Good luck, wishing you lots of love.